I am OKAY

Zindagi ne khul ke hasna to sikhaya
par mauke kuch kam diye
dard hua to rona sikhaya
par ruk jaana, sambhalna, nahi

Is this love. really? falling for someone like they mean the world to you, from now till the very end of paradise, if that were to exist. Is this love, to need someone like the very need to breath and even a second of their absence, even though they have been a thousand miles from you since the very inception of this feeling, kills you slowly, thwarting every desire to be happy, that feeling of the entire world being a crevasse around you, the eerie silence, like walls made of ice, and no one to listening to your screams and pleads to plunge down into this cold darkness to pull you out and let you live again. Is this a mockery of our existence, forcing upon our souls the constrains of the mind. Binding the heart with logic. Where and what is the reason to feel when these feelings don’t matter over thought.

There never was a day I didn’t think of it, or think of you and come to think of it now, the pain is immeasurable and all of existence flawed and illogical. The one thing that mattered is lost and no certain way to overcome the failure but to plunge oneself into a unknown direction, into an uncertain future. Whatever became of destiny and fate, lingering onto belief and trust into a higher power and the strength to us. It was all flawed, was it. Hearts and minds entwined in harmony for an inconceivable future, knowing very well what lay ahead. Its just so much confusion and chaos to my mind right now. Do I hold myself and suffer or shatter into nothingness that flows with time. Putting on the third face of existence, the one that you never saw, the one I never showed, but the one that I have to put up to this world, to let them know, I am OKAY.

The dismay, and the distraught state of my inner self, its inexplicable. Neither I have strength or courage to face you or even face myself with the truth. Throwing myself into this parallel reality, I shall sustain a living, one that jabs me every ticking second with the fact of having lost, the only and only time I should have won.

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